Today, my daughter changed her profile picture. It was a beautiful shot—her face lit up with a kind of radiant happiness that makes a parent’s heart swell. She was standing next to her boyfriend, both of them smiling, perfectly in sync in their own happy world.

About five minutes later, my phone buzzed with a text message from an acquaintance. I opened it, and the words on the screen felt like a splash of cold water.

“I didn’t know she was dating a black boy, did you?”

The question hung in the air all day. It was a simple sentence, but it was heavy with judgment and implication. My fingers hovered over the keyboard dozens of times, but a quick reply felt inadequate. A question like that deserved more than a simple “yes”; it deserved an answer that dismantled the very foundation upon which it was built. I never sent the reply to that person directly, but I’m sharing it here, for anyone else who “may not know.”

So, to answer your question: Yes, I did know. But let me be perfectly clear about what it is I actually know.

I know the color of his skin is a fact, just like the color of his eyes or his hair. But it is the least interesting and least important thing about him. It doesn’t define his character, his integrity, or his heart. What does define him is the way he treats my daughter. And from what I have seen, he is an exceptional young man.

I see my daughter dating a boy who walks into my house and greets me with a firm handshake, looks me in the eye, and shows nothing but respect—a quality that is priceless in my book. It’s always “Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Ma’am.” We can sit and talk about football and baseball. When he leaves, he makes it a point to say goodbye. In a world where basic manners are often forgotten, this young man has them in abundance.

I see my daughter dating a boy who treats her with genuine care. He takes her on actual dates—to ballgames, to the movies, out to dinner. He isn’t pulling her into the club scene or to wild weekend parties. He values her and their time together in a way that is both mature and deeply comforting for a parent to see.

I see my daughter dating a boy with a strong moral compass. He takes her to church with him every Sunday, where she sits with his family. He plays in the church band. This shows a commitment to faith and family that many young men today don’t prioritize. He is grounded in something good and wholesome.

Most importantly, I see my daughter dating a boy who is kind. He doesn’t hit her. He doesn’t cuss at her. He doesn’t lie to her. He doesn’t make her cry.

So, let me ask a question in return: Would I rather she date a white boy who treated her poorly, who disrespected our family, who made her feel small, all just to avoid the discomfort someone else might feel about her dating another race? The answer is, and will always be, absolutely not.

At the end of the day, my daughter’s happiness is all that matters. Seeing her with someone who loves her deeply and treats her like the queen she is, is a gift. It’s a kind of respectful, beautiful love that I, unfortunately, never had for myself when I was her age. Watching her receive it is healing a part of my own heart.

So yes, I knew. And I couldn’t be happier.